What Remains
by YPM-33-KI
Summary: The story of a rather damaged young man, who remains a controller two years on from the war's end. Lucas loves his yeerk and hopes to remain a controller forever, until outside events finally force him to question his role in life.
1. 1-1: Enter Lucas

I stared into my teacup, listening to the guards around me as they talked.

There were seven of us in the room right then: myself, three other hosts and their yeerks. We were all sat around a small table, each with cups of tea or coffee within easy reach. The carpet beneath our feet was spotlessly clean. The red, patterned curtains had been tightly pulled, hiding the well-kept garden that lay beyond. It wouldn't do, after all, for us to be watched by the wrong person.

This was a feeding group - one of many that had formed since the war's end. My own yeerk, Arash 8328, was currently in the Kandrona room a few doors down. That, in theory, left three other yeerks to guard me. In reality they paid me no attention, electing instead to talk amongst themselves while I sat in silence. They knew I would behave. I always behaved.

Glancing around, I saw that Larton and Delnik were currently in control of their respective hosts. Larton 934 controlled Henry, a rather portly man who was balding at the sides. Henry was a banker, and his wealth had become a huge asset to us. We used his house regularly. His daughter, Sonja, hosted Delnik 3127. Sonja was pretty and well-mannered, which made her popular at my school. This in turn made her an asset in her own right, though as of yet it had not been necessary to make use of her.

Gedis 672, meanwhile, had given control over to Gordon. Gordon huddled in his seat, looking oddly small for his heavy build. He eyed me nervously. Gordon was the newest of our group, having been infested by me and Arash only a fortnight earlier. Like Sonja, he went to my school, but he appealed to an entirely different sort than Sonja did. I'd chosen him myself.

'Did you hear about the new pool?' Larton said. 'Full of pacifists, of course, yet the humans still protest it. I'll never understand humans.'

By "pacifists", Larton was referring to the Yeerk Peace Movement. He used the word with such derision; I smiled at the irony. This feeding group had been formed by Larton and it was the tamest I'd ever seen. Both Larton and Delnik would be right at home in the peace movement, though of course neither would ever admit it.

'You can hardly blame people for being scared,' Gordon said, his voice shaking. 'I mean, it's only been two years, and the way that most of you...'

'We do what we must,' Delnik said, dismissing Gordon with a sweep of her hand. 'We'd never get enough hosts, otherwise. You humans are so ungrateful. If you'd just let us enjoy what you have, then…'

I went back to looking at my teacup, no longer interested in this discussion. I took a long sip, savouring the taste and warmth and concentrating on those alone. This was what Arash had taught me to do – to focus solely on the present moment, to enjoy each and every one of my senses as and when the opportunity arose. It didn't take control to do that; in fact, I often found that control made it harder. Arash couldn't come back soon enough.

Delnik was entirely correct, I thought: my kind really were ungrateful. They were born with so much – sight, smell, taste – and yet so many of them simply took it for granted, their minds full of irrelevancies. Having thought that, I allowed my mind to clear. I was not going to fall into the same trap.

For a while, I simply enjoyed the taste of my drink.

'Hey, are you okay?' Sonja said. 'You're awfully quiet today – even for you.'

I studied her face. Delnik never looked at me like that; it was definitely his host I was dealing with. Sonja's eyes were wide and full of concern, and I decided it would be best to just answer her. I opened my mouth to speak, which was when I caught sight of the clock hanging on the wall. All of a sudden, Sonja was forgotten.

'It's time,' I said. 'Can someone walk me back?'

Gordon's body relaxed, signifying that Gedis had returned. 'Sure thing,' Gedis said as he got up. He beckoned me towards him. 'Come on.'

He walked me down a long hallway past several doors, his hand resting lightly on my shoulder. I could easily have ducked and ran if I had wanted, though I of course didn't. At the end of the hallway was our destination: the Kandrona room, where Arash presently fed.

'Honestly, Lucas?' Gedis said. 'I don't understand you at all.' I looked at him; he just shrugged. 'I mean, we know you won't run away. Why don't you go yourself?'

Now it was my turn to shrug. 'I don't know,' I said. I stared at the floor. 'It just…feels better this way.' I opened the door the Kandrona room and stepped in, with Gedis following.

Numerous shelves lined the walls, full to bursting with yeerk technology. I saw several stacks of kandrona disks, as well as computers and various other pieces of equipment I had no knowledge of. By the door, a pair of dracon beams hung in case of emergencies. A bare bulb was the only source of light. On the floor, directly in front of me, was a set of portable kandronas. Right now, only one was being used.

I stepped to one side, allowing Gedis to go on past me. I knelt down, closed my eyes, waited. Gedis fumbled with the kandrona for a moment before coming back to me. I kept still as he held Arash to my ear. Then, I felt Arash's familiar presence within me, and all was right in the world.


	2. 1-2: Old Wounds

**First of all, I would like to say a nice big "Thank you" for all the feedback I have received so far. To answer Snow's question: yes, this takes place two years after the end of the yeerk war. Sorry for not making that clearer.**

**Secondly, I'm aiming to update this fic at a rate of around one post a week. This isn't the only writing project I'm working on at the moment, so I aplogise in advance if things get a bit slow.**

**With that said, on with the show...**

It is difficult to explain the sheer amount of joy I felt as Arash reconnected to me. My yeerk was a warm blanket that surrounded me and guided me, shielding me from harm. So long as he stayed with me, so long as he cared for me, I would be assured a long and happy life. His very presence brought me comfort, and my comfort was his just as his was mine. Freedom and privacy were insignificant next to what Arash and I shared.

Arash kept our breathing slow and steady. I hadn't even realised how fast it had become. ((Glad to see you too, Lucas,)) Arash said, growing our mouth into a smile.

No more words were exchanged between me and Arash, for no words were necessary. Without opening my eyes, Arash gently squeezed my left hand with my right. I basked in this blissful contact, wanting it to go on forever. But, of course, it had to come to an end. Arash opened our eyes.

'I'm in control,' Arash said.

'You always were,' Gedis replied.

Arash got us up and headed for the door, only to be stopped by the sound of Gedis' voice. Our hand hovered over the handle.

'Actually, Arash, I was wondering if I could talk to you,' Gedis said. 'Just in here, privately – away from that pair of closet peacers down the hallway'

'Alright, sure. What is it?' Arash said. He leaned us against a wall and sat down, the emergency dracons hanging above our head.

'My host is already shouting at me again,' Gedis said. 'I've tried everything Delnik and Larton suggested. I even gave him control for a while, just now. Nothing seems to work.' He began to pace around the tiny floor space. 'You seem to know your stuff when it comes to hosts. Got any advice?'

Arash let out a sigh. 'Your attitude is all wrong. You're asking me just for your sake, and Gordon knows that.' Gedis kept quiet, and so Arash continued. 'Just show that you care, and Gordon will listen to you. And if you don't care, start caring.'

Gedis resumed his pacing. 'Oh come on, Arash. I know there's more to it than that. You didn't train Lucas by acting like a peacer.'

Our arms tensed under Arash's control. 'I'm sorry, Gedis, but I don't think I can help you.' He walked us back towards the corridor, only for Gedis to catch our arm.

Gedis glared at us, his eyes both angry and envious. 'Look, Arash,' Gedis said. 'I've been in your group for two weeks. We're practically family, you and I.' He released his grip. 'Why are you keeping things from me?'

'Because _they won't help you._ You're thinking of Gordon like a puppet.' I could feel Arash's irritation by now. 'Gordon knows that. Need I say more?'

'But that's what Lucas is,' Gedis persisted. 'Come on, Arash. What's your secret?'

My right hand tightened into a fist. 'I'm not sure I understood you right,' Arash said.

'Lucas is every yeerk's dream: quiet, obedient and willing to serve. It's like he's barely human. He's a miracle,' Gedis said. I swelled with pride as I listened to the praise. 'What did you do to him, Arash? How did you make Lucas the way he is?'

Arash sprung forwards. He spun Gedis around, twisted his arm and then slammed him into the wall we had just been learning against. I barely registered any of this. Mentally, I was no longer in that room. Mentally, I was once again the host of Morkis 5674. I was huddling in the back of a cage, my throat raw from screaming. I wanted death. I silently begged for death.

I willed the memory away to somewhere deep within the folds of my mind. The past didn't matter; all that mattered was the here and now. I was in the room, I told myself. Arash would protect me, whatever happened.

Gordon's body trembled under our hold. He was a large young man – larger than me, certainly – but he was untrained in combat and so was his yeerk. I honestly couldn't tell which of them was in control right then, but it didn't matter. Arash leaned us close to Gedis' ear, gritting our teeth tightly together.

'Never. Ever. Ask me that,' Arash said.

Gedis whimpered, nodding without speaking. I knew it was Gedis now, but I wasn't quite sure how I knew; I still don't, in fact. When Arash let him go, Gedis sagged with relief.

'Just listen to Larton and Delnik,' Arash said. 'You'll be happier that way, trust me. ' Gedis nodded without speaking a word. 'And I'm sorry I attacked you. But I meant what I said: don't ask that again.' He had Gedis lead the way out.

Back in the other room, Sonja and her father were sitting quietly. When they saw us, their yeerks took over. For each pair, I could pinpoint exactly when control was exchanged. It's not hard to do in most cases, provided that you know what to look for and are paying attention. The latter point, I guessed, was why so few people could do it.

'You were gone a while,' Larton said. 'Was everything okay in there?'

'Just fine,' Arash said.

'Fine,' Gedis agreed.

Larton looked less than convinced, but didn't press the matter. 'Well then, "Lucas", "Gordon",' he said. 'It's getting late, now. How about I drive you both home?'

'Thank you, "Henry". That would be most kind of you,' Arash replied.

Gedis kept conspicuously quiet as we made our way outside.


	3. 1-3: Home

Larton got into the driver's seat, with Gordon and I both sat in the back. To the outside world, we were simply a pair of teenagers going home after a long and happy day over at a friend's house. All imperial yeerks had been forced to become nothlits, people thought. The only remaining yeerks were those in the peace movement, people thought.

If only they knew.

Larton started the ignition, and within seconds we were on our way. Soon after, Arash reached into one of our pockets and pulled out my tube of sweets. He thumbed one free of the packaging and popped it into our mouth. An orangey taste washed across our tongue.

((Enjoy,)) Arash said. Naturally, I did.

Gordon's house was the first stop; by the time we reached it, Arash's treat was already finished. Arash looked my eyes at Gedis as the car slowed.

'Remember what I told you,' Arash said. 'It'll help you. I promise.'

'If you say so,' Gedis replied, clearly disinterested. He quickly climbed out after that, grunting out a goodbye in Gordon's usual curt manner. We waved him off and then continued on our way.

((Idiot,)) Arash muttered. He turned the tube of sweets over in our hand. ((Hey Lucas, want another?))

I didn't need to reply to that: we both knew what the answer was. He took out a second treat and placed it on my tongue. Blackcurrant, I realised. One of the best.

((Is it good?)) Arash said. A gave a little mental nod as the sweet fruitiness filled my mouth. Truly, I could not have asked for a better guardian.

The sun was hanging low in the sky by the time my own place came into view. It was pleasant enough, my house: an ordinary middle class home in an ordinary middle class neighbourhood. A well-kept garden could be seen at the front. Similar houses with similar gardens were located to either side, as well as on the opposite side of the road. All of them were unnecessarily large in my view, but I was nonetheless grateful to be living in one of them.

Larton stopped the car at the side of the road and waved me goodbye, still playing the part of Henry, as Arash headed up the driveway. Our hand knocked on the front door. Seconds later, Mum was standing before us, with Dad right behind her.

'Lucas, you're back,' she said. She held us in a tight hug. 'How was it? How's Sonja?'

Her face was filled with worry lines and wrinkles – none of which had been there while yeerks remained a secret. The news of my infestation had come hard for her, just as it had my Dad. They both blamed themselves for not spotting it, of course. They fawned over me like never before in the war's aftermath, desperate to aid a recovery I didn't want. I'd have loved to tell them the truth about myself and Arash, but I knew they'd never accept it.

Arash returned my mother's gesture. 'It was great, Mom,' he said. 'Sonja's great, too.' He ran me over to Dad, who hugged us similarly.

'Hey, Lucas,' Dad said.

'Hi Dad.'

Arash's behaviour, by the way, was entirely genuine. He loved both of my parents, just as they loved him by extension of loving me. That they were not aware of this was of no concern to Arash – or myself, for that matter. I let Arash's happiness mingle with my own, as I always did in such circumstances.

Arash followed my parents through the entrance and into the living room. The smell of cooking quickly filled our nostrils. Roast chicken, I realised; I could hardly wait. It was almost enough to distract me from the television, which was currently playing the evening news. I saw the headline - CONTROVERSY OVER YEERK POOL - and saw images of yet more protests over the Peace Movement's latest swore and raced to turn it off, while Mum placed a hand on my shoulder.

'I-I'm sorry,' Dad said. 'You didn't need to see that.'

In reality I'd wanted to see more, but I'd never have said so to his face. There was something I did indeed want to say to him, however. Arash, sensing what that was, walked me up to my father.

'It's okay, Dad,' Arash said. 'Yeerks don't bother me anymore. I'm free now, right?'

'Y-yes,' Dad said. 'Yes. That you are.'

Mum chose that moment to go into the kitchen the kitchen, leaving Arash and I alone with my father. Arash gave him a second hug, which Dad received gratefully. 'Don't worry, Dad,' Arash said. 'I'll be fine – you'll see.'

Soon afterwards, Arash took me upstairs. We reached the threshold of my bedroom, at which point my limbs began to tingle.

((Standard rules,)) Arash said. ((See you in an hour.))

And so, I was left standing there. I surveyed my bedroom. It had everything a boy my age could have asked for: books, games consoles, a PC, the works. I closed the door behind us and then lost myself in one of my videogames. Hardly productive, I suppose, but then my daily Free Hour wasn't supposed to be.

Arash kept to himself until the hour was over, at which point I gratefully welcomed him back. I could never live without Arash, I decided. I was always meant to be Arash's host, and would be so for my entire life. No other life could be better for me.

Of course, in as little as two days I'd be starting to doubt such things. But I didn't know that then.


	4. A Memory

For five years, my life was defined purely as Arash wished. Arash was my carer, friend, teacher, partner – everything. My memories of him are as numerous as they are varied, and I cherish every one of them. I know I shouldn't. Everyone tells me that I shouldn't - that I mustn't, even. But I will. Whether I want to or not, I always will.

To this day, one memory shines brighter than any of the others. I will start with that one.

I remember being dragged from my cage by a pair of hork-bajir. I didn't struggle as they took me. I'm not sure I remembered how. The screams of confined hosts echoed all around as I was carried. My limp, drooling form was dumped onto the infestation pier. I barely registered the impact.

My head was pushed under. The screams stopped. For a blissful instant, I was truly alone in the world. Like always, I thought of breathing in the liquid and trying to end this at long last. Like always, something made me hold on. I felt the yeerk as it probed my ear and took my brain. My limbs tingled as they were stolen from me. Once again, my body was no longer my own. Once again, I was under the parasite's control. It lifted my head out of the water and stood my body upright.

The yeerk scanned my eyes around the pool, taking in my dank surroundings. Screaming continued to assault my ears and the smell of chemicals burned at my nostrils. The cuts on my shoulders stung like fire – a testament to Morkis' latest handiwork. The yeerk blinked my eyes and looked downwards at my feet.

((This…is no place for us,)) it said. ((Come. Let us leave.)) I said nothing. Speaking was forbidden. Speaking would earn more punishment. My body was faced towards the waiting hork-bajir. 'I'm in control,' I was made to say. They stepped aside, and the yeerk walked me between them.

The next thing I knew, the yeerk was sitting on a park bench. I didn't remember the walk over. It was a warm summer's day, all sunny and bright. All around us, people went about their lives, oblivious to the living hell that seethed endlessly beneath them. A gang of children messed around with a Frisbee, while a lone man played ball with his pet dog. Flowers stood in splendid bloom, while birds chirped and flew overhead.

((Beautiful,)) the yeerk said. ((Truly beautiful. You're lucky to have this, you know.))

I said nothing. I knew this wasn't Morkis, but that didn't mean a thing. Yeerks were yeerks, for all I knew.

((Don't be afraid of me, human. I won't hurt you. You may talk.))

I still said nothing. It was surely a trick, this sudden kindness. It was always a trick.

((It's not a trick,)) the yeerk said. ((My name is Arash 8328. I will be your yeerk from now on.)) It shuffled a little on the bench, crossing my legs over. ((Tell me, human: what is your name?))

I determinedly kept quiet. I would not be baited into speaking, whatever it said.

((Human, I just asked you a question. Shouldn't you answer?))

It just wanted to hurt me, I thought. No matter what I did, I was going to be punished. I wondered what this yeerk did when its host misbehaved. Maybe it would violate my memories. Maybe it would palpitate my heart until it was fit to burst. Maybe it would simply take a knife to my flesh while my parents weren't around. Maybe it would do all of those things and more besides. The options at the yeerk's disposal were virtually endless, and there was nothing I could do about any of it.

The corners of my mouth turned upwards into a smile, and I braced myself for whatever was coming.

((Shall I just call you "human" for now? You can always tell me later.))

((No,)) I said at last, wanting nothing more than to get this over with. ((It's Lucas. Lucas Baker))

My eyes opened. The smile on my mouth grew wider.

((Pleased you meet you, Lucas,)) the yeerk said. ((I'm glad you spoke to me so quickly. I feared it would take much longer.)) It left the bench and started down a nearby footpath. ((As I said, I will be your yeerk from this day onwards. Under me, you will never be hurt. No matter what you do, I will not punish you. Understand?))

I didn't, but I thought I did. The peace movement, I was thinking. They really did exist. And now I was part of it. Finally, I thought. Finally, I was saved!

((No, I'm not part of that movement)) the yeerk said. ((I could never be. They're even worse than the empire. They see what they are and they run from it.)) I tried in vain to hide my disappointment. ((But Lucas, I can offer you far more than that movement ever could. I'm going to show you another way to live. A better way))

I kept quiet once again, but not out of fear. Rather, it was out of sheer disbelief. I expected to wake up at any moment. I'm not even exaggerating when I say that.

((Follow me,)) the yeerk said. ((Follow me, and never be hurt again.))

There was so much I didn't know at the time. All I saw was a kind yeerk who was offering me a chance at happiness. It was offering a release from the torment I had suffered for so long. It was, just as it said, offering me another way.

I took that offer eagerly. For five years, I never looked back.


	5. 2-1: Rebellion

**Sorry for the wait. I've been on a roll with my other (original) writing project lately, and so ended up neglected this one. This scene came out a little shorter than I anticipated; I do have more written, but this seemed tome the best cut-off point.**

**Anyway, hope you enjoy.**

For two years, my life had been bliss. Free of the war, Arash had finally been able to live as any yeerk should: in safe and peaceful surroundings, with a host who cared for him and who he cared for in turn. Free of the burden of decision-making, I had gone through each day with seldom a worry or care.

All of that came to an end on Monday morning, the day after our run-in with Gedis in the kandrona room.

I was in a math class. We all worked on a series of simple exercises: cross-products, dot-products-all typical eleventh grade activity. Arash, I imagined, was bored out his mind. He was so much smarter than me; he didn't need to learn any of this. I, however, did. I saw it as a testament to Arash's patience that he let me do so at my slow human pace.

Sonja, as always, was sat right next to us and was scribbling at her usual quick rate. I could only see her out of the corner of my eye, but I was pretty sure it really was Sonja I was watching. Either I was losing my touch, or Delnik was getting softer than ever. I smiled inwardly, presuming it to be the latter.

Gordon, of course, was firmly under Gedis' control. They were on our other side, with Gedis writing far too much and far too fast to be remotely believable in the role he played. How no-one noticed this, I would never know. Humans, as a whole, were so unobservant of their own surroundings. So much beauty they had at their fingertips, and yet they-

((Lucas.))

((Sorry.))

I crunched some numbers in my head and then stated my result. Arash listened, mentally nodded and then duly wrote my answer down onto the page – a commendation worth more than anything our teacher could ever have said. I could feel the tube of sweets that Arash kept in our pocket; if I kept this up, I would surely be getting a few of those before the day was up. I happily went to work on the next question.

It took me seconds to finish my next calculation ((Ten i plus…))

I never got to finish. I heard a pen clatter down onto Gordon's desk. Arash turned our neck, allowing me to see him properly. Gordon's – that is, Gedis' – eyes were far too wide and his overall posture was unnaturally rigid. On his right hand, a couple of fingers continued to twitch. Gedis relaxed with what was undoubtedly much effort, before picking up his pen and continuing on as though nothing had happened.

I could scarcely believe it. ((Arash, was that…?))

((A rebellion. Yes.))

I had expected this answer. Nonetheless, hearing it was like being punched hard in the face. Of all the ungrateful things for Gordon to have done! He still had so much to enjoy, whereas his yeerk would lose everything should they ever be parted. If caught, Gedis would have two options: a life in a senseless hell, or a life with his true nature stolen away for ever – and all because Gordon couldn't appreciate what he still had.

((Calm, Lucas. Focus,)) Arash said. And so I did.

Arash made a few discreet glances around the classroom. I watched with great care. At first, I thought only Sonja had noticed; I knew she had because Delnik had taken charge of her again, and then Arash knew because I told him. But then, just as I was starting to relax, I noticed Darren.

Darren was staring. He'd seen the whole thing and we could both tell he was suspicious. I felt a twinge of regret. Darren was one of the few friends I'd had before my parents suggested the Sharing, and it was safe to say that he had been very good to me over the years. And now, Darren was a threat. He had seen Gedis. He could report Gedis. And if Gedis went down, Arash would quickly follow.

Arash turned out eyes back to our own desk. He tapped our pen on the page as though I was deep in thought. ((We have to deal with him, Lucas. He saw everything. He's dangerous.))

((I know, Arash,)) I said.

((Maybe we can talk him down,)) Arash said. ((And if all else fails, I'll make sure he is given to someone soft. He won't be another Gordon, I promise.))

((Another Gordon? What do you mean?))

To that, Arash was unusually slow in his reply. ((I suspect Gedis is...ah we probably shouldn't speculate. It really is Gedis' business, in any case.)) He cast another look at Darren, who by now had returned to his schoolwork. ((I think we're safe for now. Let's get back to work; we'll deal with this later))

For a single moment, I had a clear mental image of one of my precious blackcurrant-flavoured treats. That was all the encouragement I needed to go on.


End file.
